Creative prompt: Being with you exactly as you are...

Creative Prompt:
Being with you exactly as you are...
by Kara L.C. Jones

~inspired by Taming Your Gremlin and The Work~

"...simply notice how you are -- not why you are how you are, but how you are. Thinking about and simply noticing are very different...Thinking About is a preferred activity of your gremlin...a way of keeping you out of touch with the natural you...Simply Noticing...is what happens when you experience the natural you...without input from your gremlin."
~Rick Carson, author of Taming Your Gremlin

Grief brings lots of Gremlins with it. Or maybe some of those Gremlins were already there, but grief tends to magnify them. Some of the Gremlins are of our own doing. Some are voices of other people's Gremlins that have set upon us. I speak of the Gremlin ilk that say things like:

• Aren't you over this yet?
• What do you mean you can't get out of bed again?
• Why can't you just be grateful for what you have?
• Why me?
• I just am not worthy of being happy.
• It's been [x number of months, years, days]. Why are you still dealing with this?
• You aren't seriously jealous of the non-grieving, clueless people are you?
• Why can't you just go back to work and be "normal"?
• What is wrong with me?

Believe it or not, 99% of the people I've encountered on this grief path ALL deal with some Gremlin or another of this ilk. It is really normal to question all this stuff that makes us feel "un-normal" in the wake of grief's havoc.

Just from my own little perspective, I think some of the issue is that grief takes up lots of time and energy. It just does. And yet, often the world around us is impatient, and we feel we are not allowed to take the time and energy needed.

The Gremlins come out in all their glory and the dialogue of judgment starts rolling in our heads. Either pushing ourselves or letting other people's voices and judgments push us. And soon we are trying to figure out how to: fix things, get through this, get back to work, put on a mask to get thru the day, reconcile how completely different we are in grief's aftermath. We are working so hard to just keep up, that we are not seeing what is really happening. We are trying to be okay for everyone else without seeing how we are really doing. Or we are so fueled by anger, apathy, energy drain, that we don't think there is any way at all to deal with this overwhelm.

Today's creative prompt is just about taking the time to notice. NOTICE. Not judge. Not fix. Not change. Not improve. Not necessarily even accept. Just notice. Just see and be curious. Noticing just for the power of being in touch with the real you.

To show you how this might work, I'm going to go thru it on my own journey of Noticing first. And then you can take this and notice your own journey.

First, list statements of what you notice.
Second, get curious about them.
Third, look at what the opposite of each statement might be.

I'm using two tools here:

1) I'm just noticing -- as Rick Carson talks about in the book Taming Your Gremlin

2) I'm turning around whatever Gremlin voice I hear -- as Byron Katie does in her process of The Work

First noticing: Aren't you over this yet?

Curiosity: Interesting. The first thing I'm curious about is whether this question is coming from me, my own desire, or if it is coming from someone else's voice? I notice that it is actually coming from the voice of an associate who is very intellectual and not very emotional. She has a hard time showing emotion or allowing others to be emotional. In her discomfort, she once asked me, "Aren't you over this yet? It's been [fill in x number of months, years, days here]."

Turnaround: Once I realize it isn't even my voice, I use the turnaround on this statement. What would an opposite of this be? Possibilities: I am over it. It's you who isn't over it, not me. I'll never be over it. In truth, a combo of those things is true for me. I am over it -- over trying to pretend grief hasn't changed every fiber of my being. It is the other person who isn't over it because she is uncomfortable with emotion or any notion of mortality. And I'll never be over it -- because "it" is my child who I will love forever. Death cannot take my love.

Second Noticing: What do you mean you can't get out of bed?

Curiosity: I'm curious about my choice of words here. Can't. That is pretty victim oriented. When I'm curious about how I FEEL in that moment, it is closer to the truth to say I do not want to get out of bed. So then I get curious about that "want". Hmmm? Is it possible that I want to just feel what it feels like to be in bed today? Actually, yes. I want to feel my tears in private and comfort of my soft blankets, cool breeze from the window above the bed, surrounded by photos of family we have on the walls in this room. Interesting that I actually just want to be in bed. That feels very different than "can't get out of bed."

Turnaround: There are several possible turnarounds, including changing it to "want." But others might be: I am out of bed. You can't get out of bed. You wish you could stay in bed. I can get out of bed. Ah-ha. The last one hits home for me. I CAN get out of bed. I just don't want to. I want a different experience today. Everyone will need to just make peace with that reality.

Third Noticing: Why can't you just be grateful for what you have?

Curiosity: This is another one of those Gremlins that isn't really my own voice. I don't know whose voice it is. But it's not mine. Realizing that it doesn't even belong to me, I'm able to visualize dropping this whole sentence into the recycling bin and watch it be carted off to the recycling center in the dump truck.

Turnaround: This one is simple for me. The obvious turn around is the one that fits me: I am grateful for what I have. AND THAT DOES NOT PRECLUDE FEELING GRIEF. I am a complex being and am perfectly able to BOTH LOVE and GRIEVE at the same time. I can hold gratitude for all those with me in physical being still AND grieve the ones who are not here anymore. My love extends to BOTH those living and those dead. For me personally, grief is not mutually exclusive from gratitude. So off to the recycling center with whoever it was that put this voice in my head!!

Okay, now it is your turn.

What are you noticing for you? Where do you feel heavy in your body? What voice is running around your head? Just notice what it is. Get curious about it. Then turn it around and see if there are any insights there.

Feel free to post comment here or leave link to your own blog with any write up or art you make in response to this prompt!!
Miracles,
k-